10 and 3/4 Months on T

Wow have I been slacking on updating this blog! I don't know why, I just seem to always get writers block when attempting an update. I have to say, there really hasn't been much positive to write about the past few months. Not that things have been horrible, I have just been feeling slightly down lately. And I know it is definitely transition related. I'm not happy with how slowly my changes are progressing. I'm still being misgendered, I'm still being looked down on, and looked passed. I am assuming that without even knowing it, I was banking on the fact that every single issue or problem I have had in life was without a doubt somehow related to or blamed on the fact that I was female. I'm beginning to think that is wrong. That simply letting the world know "hey, I'm a fucking GUY" is not enough to solve every problem. Because here I am, coming up on one full year of being on hormone replacement therapy, one full year of living openly as male, with a male name, and I still don't feel like the world sees me for me. I see myself in the mirror every day, and I don't feel that I look much different either. I do sound different, but also, to me, I have always been me. I don't see many changes because I have always seen the man underneath, but I don't understand how others don't see the changes, which makes me think they aren't happening, or at least not fast enough, or as drastically as I had hoped for. I'm so sick of dealing with the misgender assigning comments that come my way on a day to day basis, and even the people that say and act like "they get it" will surprise me out of nowhere with an off the wall comment or remark that just makes me think, "what the fuck, you do NOT get it, clearly." On one hand at the end of the day, I say fuck everyone, I don't care what they think or say about me. But on the other hand, I really do care what people think or say about me. I want to be accepted. Actually, I don't only want to be accepted, I want to be looked up to. I want to be someone that someone else wants to be for a change.