Eleven Months

ONE MONTH vs. ELEVEN MONTHS

Eleven months!! I can't believe I'm so close to the one year mark. It's really bittersweet, to think that just a year ago my life was so much different. I woke up this morning like any other morning, I took a shower and brushed my teeth, and shaved my face. I shaved my face because I actually HAD to.. and I thought; this is fucking great. haha. Seriously. It's the little things. I listened to my voice comparisons from last year till now and WOW, what a change. I'm happy I can look back and see a difference, finally.



So I know I said it before, but this year I really do want to put more focus and emphasis on being healthy, and active. Now that I'm actually seeing my physical changes, I have noticed more of a "connection" with my body. I feel like for most of my life I have disassociated my mind from my body, I never thought much about it, or even looked at it, because honestly, it's always disgusted me. I've never been interested in trying to gain muscle or lose fat because I've always had in the back of my mind, "no matter how much you work at looking better, you'll still look horrible." But that feeling is slowly drifting away, each time I look down and see my leg muscles flexing as I'm tying my shoe, or I walk by a mirror and see my neck muscles are clearly different than they used to be, a smile comes to my face as I am slowly getting used to the man I see. But now I'm feeling self conscious in a different way, for the first time I feel responsible for being weak, and for being fat, instead of being strong and fit, and I want to change that. I have let myself get so comfortable with the idea that "it's not my fault" because I was stuck with an outer shell that I could not make fit me no matter how hard I tried, and I really need to work on getting myself out of that mind set. I want to take ownership of myself, mind, and body; and I am not very happy with the body I own. Not because of the origination, but because like I said a moment ago, I am weak, and fat, and that doesn't look good on me haha. So here's to trying again. I can admit I failed, and I want to commit to being healthy and active again. :]



And of course, here's a video....

Since next month will be ONE YEAR I plan to post measurements again to compare to a year ago... exciting! haha ;]